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Deep Wound – Don’t Need (1983)

I am absolutely dumbfounded that something this hard was released in 1983. This was within a year or two of Minor Threat’s first record, and it’s bleeding from hardcore into grind/power violence. Originally I thought this was a contemporary band attempting to produce old-school / lofi hardcore because the musicianship and production (as dirty as it is) were too technical and clean. Alas, Deep Wound were formed in Westfield, Massachusetts in 1982, and the following year released the self-titled 7″ containing this ripper. As it turns out, Deep Wound’s drummer was J Mascis, who later formed Dinosaur Jr. with Deep Wound guitarist Lou Barlow. Dino Junior are cool but I instantly like this more than their entire catalog. Before knowing this record was American I was certain it had to be Scandinavian, they always seemed to be ahead of the curve in terms of more extreme interpretations of hardcore punk. The next CRITICAL HIT blog post should try to determine what the earliest recorded blastbeat was, as determined by copying + pasting the answer from someone else’s blog.

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Laziest Men on Mars – The Children of Mars (~2002)

Wow, had no idea these SomethingAwful goons (if I remember correctly) did something this chill. I only knew them for their handful of ultra-aggressive gabber / acid techno tracks, like the devastating “Nothing Can Stop Torg!” as well as the Flash video for “Invasion of the Gabber Robots,” more popularly known as “All Your Base Are Belong To Us.”

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Phillip Schlosser – Battle Against a Weird Opponent (Remix)

Already an extremely funky and wacked-out bonkers song, Phillip Schlosser remixes it and ups the zany even more, with some punchier drums, warblier synths, and that impossible bassline cranked up to “wacko-bonzo.” I love it. I’d advise against visiting the comment section unless you want to be bummed out by a bunch of stale forced memes spread by 15-year-olds referencing their favorite YouTube celebrity’s MineCraft exploits. If I ever have kids I don’t think I want them to use any technology invented after Rutherford B. Hayes left office.